ODE TO INDIANA JONES

If I have anyone to thank for introducing me to the world of archaeology, it’s my mom. I was about six old at home with the flu and completely miserable- due more to boredom than any real discomfort. Sensing this, my beloved mother realized that it was time—that her darling daughter had finally reached the maturity to move beyond Care Bears and My Little Pony videos and into the realm of the action film. With a pop of the VHS tape and the gentle whirr of the VCR, my world was changed forever. Suddenly I was transported from my projectile-vomiting shell into the Amazonian rainforests, the Himalayas, and at last to Egypt.

I fell in love. I fell in love with traveling to exotic locales. I fell in love with Harrison Ford just in time for the sultry scoundrel Han Solo in the re-release of the Star Wars series in 1997. I fell in love with the professor-by-day-swashbuckler-by-night character of Indiana Jones (and to this day Miss. Fox Pitt Rivers harbors a thing for brunettes with a little facial scruff who wear button-down shirts. She can’t help it, she’s been conditioned!). But, most of all I fell in love with the idea of digging up really really old stuff. To put it eloquently.

15 years and one anthropology degree later I realize that Indiana Jones is not the most accurate portrayal of the archaeological life. In fact I’ve noticed quite a few discrepancies between Indiana Jones and what I deign to dub “real” archaeology.

1) There is a noticeable lack of Nazis. I guess now a days they are all too busy looking for Kyle to go on a quest for some sacred relic with mysterious powers.

2) Due to said lack of Nazis the most real threats of bodily harm to archaeologists are snakes, bugs, wild dogs, and angry land owners with guns who speak no English and just want you to get off their damn property.

3) Whisking priceless artifacts of great cultural significance out from under the noses of the local people is in most places a criminal offense called SMUGGLING, even if it does eventually end up in a museum. If caught you will be arrested and really who wants to spend a night in a Peruvian prison over a golden monkey? Granted, this is a relatively new concept, Indiana Jones was just following in the footsteps of his predecessors Hienrich Schliemann and Thomas Bruce, Lord of Elgin.

4) Archaeology can be supremely boring at times. For every Golden Monkey, there are 7.5 billion pottery shards to be analyzed.

5) It is true that by excavating a site, archaeologists are in fact destroying it. This process of destruction however should be done as carefully and painstakingly documented as possible. It is never acceptable to destroy a site by knocking down walls with oversized statuary, blowing it up, or crashing a vehicle into it.

6) After all of your archaeological escapades you must publish your research. Or you will be most likely be fired by whatever institution hires you. With all his gallivanting through the wilderness when does Prof. Jones find time in his office at Marshall College to write and submit articles to the American Journal of Archaeology?

But for all that we can nit-pick on poor Prof. Jones he brought some truly admirable things to the Archaeology table. Most of all, public interest (a rare commodity in the academic world). I once attended a lecture class in which the professor asked all of the students who were interested in archaeology because of the Indiana Jones movies to raise their hands; everyone raised their hands. Indiana Jones is not just a media mogul, but a phenomenon that has sparked the fascination of countless young people in the cultures, practices, events, and remains of the past. And so I give unto you, Professor Henry Walton Jones Jr., a tip of the fedora. Josh Bernstein’s got nothing on you.

And now to sweetly reminisce upon the greatest cinematic scene ever shot...

(I have to link because I have NO idea how to embed a video)